While he Sleeps
by thespeckledbrunette
Summary: Post-Reichenbach. Sherlock's jumped. John's sleeping. What happens while John sleeps under the eyes of Sherlock Holmes. Reviews are very much appreciated:D
1. Chapter 1

**Sherlock's POV:**

As I look at his squirming body, and hear his cries, I can't help but think I can stop it. I'm the only one that can fix him. But I can't. It's not time. Not yet.

I hear those same words, the same words that he screams out every night, as his body twists and turns. 'For me, one more miracle for me'. And I feel sudden rush of sadness, the only sort of emotion I have ever felt. He's breaking me, although I know it's all my fault. I hold my hand over my mouth to quieten myself. I start to reach out to his shaking head, but stop short of stroking him, and hugging him, and telling him everything's going to be alright, and that I'm always here for him, no matter what. He's the only person I have ever cared about, and probably ever will care about. He's changed me. Now, I've changed him for worse. His choked sobs get louder, as her squirms even more. I often wonder what would happen if he found out, imagine what he would do. I want to tell him so bad, I want to tell him soon, but I know it's too early.

Everyone thinks I have no emotions, but it's killing me too, to have to live without him, to watch him suffer, to see the world keeps turning. I've fallen off the edge, and I'm falling, I can't stop, he reaches for me, but I'm too far gone. There's no going back once I've fallen, he can't save me, not now.

I re-run those last few, precious moments when we both knew I was about to go, when he knew I was still there. And then there's the time when I was gone. They're always in my head, every minute of every day, I try to picture the pain I caused him, it must be ten times worse than mine. His words won't stop going through my head, 'hero' 'ever known' 'miracle'.

I see the sun begin to rise through his window. I know it's time to leave, I watch his body twist and turn some more, as I stand up to go. I still hold my hand tightly over my mouth, to prevent myself from crying out and telling him everything. I walk out the room, as I do every morning as the morning sun appears. I care about him, and there's nothing I can do to stop it.

He's what keeps me going; he's what makes me carry on.

**Hope you like it, I'm going to test Sherlock and John's POV trying to keep them in character but watching each other. Please review:)**


	2. Chapter 2

**John's POV**

It's the third time I've awoken tonight the nightmares just keep coming back. And tonight they're some of the worst. I'm covered in my own sweat and tears as I recall the vividness of the scene that unfolded before my eyes for about the thousandth time, but as I much as I want to believe it is a fantasy I know too well that it wasn't just in my own head. It happened. Three months and four days ago. I wish the numbers would go down instead of up. So I can see him again. As I'm lying here I think of his voice, I was the last one to hear it. The only one to hear him say Goodbye. I try to force myself to go back to seep, but tonight my mind is whizzing too fast from the nightmares. I can't force myself back to sleep because I'm too awake. And for the fear of seeing him, well... again.

It's on nights like these when I'll leave my room in the hope that the nightmares will stay in there. I'll peel back the covers that have stuck to me and quietly step out of bed. I step slowly towards the bathroom and splash some water in my face and wash the sweat and tears off my body. I wasn't even this bad when I got back from the war.

I walked quietly across the hallway, as to not wake Mrs Hudson; she'll only make a fuss of me in the morning if she knows I'm awake. She'll know it was the nightmares again. Tonight I feel like he's watching me, and every time I turn round there's nothing there. I walk into his room and the familiar scent fills my nostrils as I crawl into his bed and wrap myself in the sheets. I haven't let Mrs Hudson was them just yet. I can't let her wash them. With the sheets wrapped around me I curl into a ball. And I make myself believe that it's his arms around me. And He's returned to me. He's whispering in my ear that it's ok. It was all just a bad dream. I've woken up now.

But once again my brain kicks into gear and tells me its lies and he's not here anymore. He's dead. I saw him leave me. He was my only friend and he's gone. I was his only friend. My brain doesn't want me to lie to myself. But I want to. I want to pretend.

As I drift off I could swear that I heard him breathing steadily across the room. But once again my brain tells me it's a lie. It's all lies.

**That was John's POV. What do you think? Reviews please:)**


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